


Half of My Life

by Ziro1271



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Female Character, Coming Out, Depression, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lesbian Character, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27490555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziro1271/pseuds/Ziro1271
Summary: Monika didn't expect to walk in on Sayori trying to take her own life. She didn't expect the severity of her depression. And she also didn't expect to fall in love.A story about falling in love in hopeless places.
Relationships: Monika/Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	1. The Day of the Festival - Monika

_**Monika's POV** _

It's the day of the festival. Of all days, I expected Sayori to be here early.

However, she's not answering her phone.

I can't help but having this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, like my heart is dropping out of my chest.

...

Oh.

I find my hand tightly clenched around one of the pamphlets, crumpling it up.

Guess we won't be using that one...

~

_"The rainclouds won't go away," Sayori told me on Friday afternoon._

_I had been aware of these "rainclouds" - Sayori's depression - just a few days before this. What kills me inside is how I didn't notice it, even though Sayori and I had spent every afternoon together for the past three months, doing club activities and whatnot._

_It's like her mood dropped suddenly just over the past 24 hours._   
_Sayori stood up, trying to blink back tears. "I'm just... gonna go home. Tell the others I don't feel good, okay?"_

_Every part of me wanted to protest, but instead I said:_

_"Okay. Take care of yourself."_

~

This sinking feeling won't go away.

I take a shallow breath.

"Oh, what the hell." I say this after my twelfth attempt at calling Sayori. "She's really gonna make me go over there to get her, isn't she?"

I toss the crumpled pamphlet into the garbage can before sprinting out of the club room.

As I'm sprinting down the hall, I see Natsuki coming the opposite direction.

"Hey, Monika! I was just - hey, where are you going?" Natsuki looks at me curiously.

I slow myself down and say, "I just... gotta go check on something. I'll be right back."

"Um... okay."

I continue running down the hallway.

~

I'm here.

I don't expect her to answer the door, since she hasn't picked up her phone all morning.

I try the door handle to find that it's unlocked. With a deep breath, I go inside.

I take in my surroundings. There's used dishes all over the kitchen, along with dirty laundry on the living room couch.

"Sayori?" I call out. "It's Monika. Are you here?"

I start heading up the stairs. "Sayori?" I call out once again.

As soon as I reach the top step, I hear a light whimpering coming from one of the rooms.

"Sayori?!" I go towards the sound of the whimpers and find myself outside one of the bedrooms.

I gently open the door.

"...Sayo-"

I can't even get her name out of my mouth before witnessing the most horrifying thing I've ever seen: on one end of the rope, the ceiling fan. On the other end, Sayori, struggling for her life.

_She's trying to hang herself!_

Immediately, I spring into action. A pair of scissors is lying on her desk. I quickly grab it and go over to Sayori.

I try to hold her up with one arm, and cut the rope with the other.

"Come on... why won't this thing cut?!"

It's been about a minute since I've entered her bedroom, and I've gotten the rope to a slight fray.

After what feels like hours - though I'm sure was only a few minutes - the rope tears from the scissors' friction.

Sayori stumbles to the floor, coughing and wheezing. Her hands still gravitate toward her neck, which now has a bright crimson color in the area directly under her throat.

"Oh, my God." I go over to her side. "Sayori, are you okay?!"

She continues coughing and gasping for air. I'm unsure if I should call an ambulance or if this is normal, considering what just happened.

Finally, her breaths start to sound somewhat normal.

"Monika..." My name escapes her lips, bringing tears to my eyes.

I could've lost her.

If I was just a few minutes later, I would've lost her...


	2. The Aftermath - Monika

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So, the character "Michael" is the protagonist. Okay, that's all! Enjoy~

_**Monika's POV** _

Sayori's breathing finally sounds normal - well, as normal as it can be, considering she's crying into my shoulder. The two of us are on the floor, Sayori cradled in my arms.

I told Michael I wasn't very good with people a few days ago after Sayori resolved Yuri and Natsuki's argument, and this situation just proves my point. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, except hold Sayori as she cries and apologizes over and over.

I hear a voice down the hallway. "Sayori?"

It's Michael. The voice is distinguishable.

Sayori pokes her head up and looks at the door, which was left partly opened in my panic.

"Sayori, are you awake? Natsuki and Yuri told me you and Monika weren't-" He stops in front of the door and looks at us, seemingly taken aback.

It takes him a moment to register what he's seeing: the torn rope hanging off the ceiling fan, the other half lying on the ground still tied into a hangman's noose... the crimson color that is becoming more pronounced around Sayori's neck...

"Oh... oh my God..." Michael makes his way over to us and kneels down. "W-What happened?!" He first looks Sayori. "Did you...?" Then he looks at me. "Did she...?"

I simply answer with a nod.

"Holy shit, I..." Michael puts a hand in his hair and tugs at it a little. "I didn't realize it was this bad."

After a moment of painfully awkward silence, Michael addresses Sayori. "We can't just pretend this didn't happen. You need to speak to a professional about this."

I nod. "Y-Yeah."

Sayori sniffles in response. "But-"

"No. You need to." He turns to face me, as if expecting me to speak.

I sigh. "Y-Yeah. He's right. We'll get you to the hospital, okay?"

"I... need to get dressed," Sayori responds.

"Oh. Right." Michael stands up. He grabs the noose lying on the ground.

"I'll, um... stay in here," I say. "If you don't mind. It's probably not a good idea to leave you alone right now..." I turn to Sayori to say that last part.

Michael nods. "Okay. I'll be out here." He shuts the door, leaving Sayori and me alone in her room once again.

Sayori stands up and grabs a shirt and a pair of shorts from her closet. She stops and looks at me.

"Oh. Sorry. I'll look away." I turn around to face away from her.

After a couple minutes, Sayori musters a weak, "Okay, I'm ready."

I turn around to face her. "Alright. Let's go."

~

Michael and I wait in the emergency room lobby while Sayori is back in a room. The silence is deafening.

I check my phone to see multiple texts from Yuri and Natsuki. _Oh crap... the festival..._

I read through their texts.

Natsuki: _"Hey, where are you? A bunch of people are here and we haven't seen you, Sayori, or Michael."_

Yuri: _"Where are you?"_

Natsuki: _"What are we supposed to do? Yuri and I are the only ones that showed up!"_

I quickly send a text back to both of them.

_"Something happened. Won't go into details now, but we won't make it. I'm so sorry."_

I sigh and lean forward in my chair. 

Michael finally speaks up. "What exactly did you see when you got there?"

"Ah..." I don't know how to recall what I saw without a shiver going down my spine. "...It wasn't good. Let's just say that."

Michael nods. "Yeah... understandable."

I let out a long sigh.

~

Another hour passes before Sayori emerges from one of the rooms. A doctor is following behind her, keeping an eye on her.

I stand up and make my way over to her. 

"Oh my God..." I hug her without thinking.

_I almost lost her today..._

Michael stands behind me, seemingly unsure how to respond to the situation.

"I'm... gonna have to stay here for a few days," Sayori says, her voice shaking a bit.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised..." I say with a sigh.

I slowly release her from the hug. She looks over at Michael, and hugs him as well.

~

Sayori assures us that she'll call us before she gets out of the hospital. Before she disappears back into the hallway, she looks at me and says with a quiet voice "...thank you."

I nod and give her a sad smile.


	3. Stress - Monika

_**Monika's POV** _

My heart is racing as Michael and I approach the clubroom.

"So... we're just gonna tell them...?" Michael asks me, his eyebrows raised in concern.

"I mean... how else do we explain this?" I reply. "We basically missed the entire festival."

I take a quick glance out the window. The students have slowly speckled out of the school since we got here.

We stop in front of the clubroom door, and I take a breath before opening it.

~

Before I can get any words out, Natsuki starts shouting. "Where were you?! We had to break the news that there was no performance _BY OURSELVES_."

Yuri's face is buried in her book. She remains quiet.

I begin to speak. "Look... it was really bad, and-"

"Hmph." Natsuki sits in a chair by the window. "This better be good."

Michael decides to come right out with it: "Sayori tried to kill herself this morning."

The room becomes so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Natsuki's face turns from one of anger to concern within a second.

"You're kidding..." Yuri says softly, lifting her head from the book. "...Right?"

"Unfortunately... no, we're not," I say.

The memory of Sayori struggling against the noose comes back into my mind. I take a deep breath. "I found her right after the attempt. If I had been a few minutes later..." I pause. "...So, yeah. That's what we were doing."

Natsuki looks almost embarrassed, probably about her previous behavior. " _Crap..._ "

Yuri's book is closed and set to the side of the desk. Her eyes are wide as she sits there and stares down into her lap.

I think they're expecting me to say something else. But there's nothing else I can say.

_What am I supposed to say...?_

~

Wednesday morning, my alarm goes off. I haven't really been able to think since the event on Monday. It seems as if I've been running on autopilot, following a strict routine: _Take a shower. Brush teeth. Get dressed. Go to school. Go home. Do homework._

"Monika?" There's a light tapping on my door. It's my mom. "Did you hear your alarm? Or is it broken again?"

"No, it... it works fine..." I sit up and rub the tiredness from my eyes. All I see when I close my eyes is that horrible event I witnessed on Monday.

"Okay, well, you need to get ready, or you're gonna be late." I hear my mom's footsteps walk away from my door.

 _Love you too, Mom..._ I think to myself with a sigh. There's no way she hasn't noticed that something's wrong - she simply doesn't care. All that really matters to her is whether or not I'm at the top of my class, and making sure our family's reputation is spotless.

Typically, it hasn't bothered me much. But now, it's a lot of pressure to put on someone who just witnessed her friend try to commit suicide.

I grab my school uniform and head to my bathroom to shower.

~

School passes by in a blur. Now, I'm sitting in the kitchen working on homework.

My phone suddenly starts buzzing. I grab it and reluctantly answer after seeing the words "No Caller ID" illuminate on the screen.

"...Hello?" I say.

"Monika?" The all too familiar voice almost causes me to fall out of my chair.

"Sayori!" I respond. "Oh my gosh, how are you doing?"

"I'm... a bit better," she says. "My doctor says I can probably be discharged on Friday."

"That's great news!" I say with a smile.

"Yeah! They also gave me some antidepressants, which... should kick in within the week... I think?"

"That's good." I smile.

"Yeah." She takes a breath. "I'm... really sorry about the festival-"

"No. Sayori, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I should be apologizing to you. I have no idea how I didn't pick up on this sooner..."

"Monika. It's not your fault." She sniffles. "Do you... do you want to know why?"

"Yes. Tell me."

"Well..." Sayori lowers her voice. "I went over to Michael's house while Yuri was leaving on Sunday... and I..." She sighs. "...Confessed to him."

"You... huh?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah. He... told me I'd always be his dearest friend, and I... didn't know if I could live with the fact that I was selfish enough to try to-"

"Sayori..." I stop her words in their tracks. "I know how much it hurts to be rejected. And I know your depression probably made you feel really... awful about it." I don't know how else to phrase that. "But... you can't let that be the reason you end your life."

"It's not just that," she says. "I know how much he likes Yuri. I'd be an idiot if I didn't. It's the fact that I knew this, and _still_ confessed to him..."

"This isn't the end of the world. I promise you, it's not." I try to sound confident in what I'm saying, but my voice must be faltering a little. "You'll move on. It's not like Michael would stop being your friend because of this. He still really cares about you, you know..."

"I... yeah, I guess. Speaking of which..." Sayori huffs a little. "I haven't called him yet. I should probably do that."

"Yeah..." My heart sinks.

"Alright. I'll see you next week."

"You too."

Sayori hangs up, and I suddenly have the urge to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is an awkward spot to leave it, but... meh.


	4. Unwelcome Realizations - Monika

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by that feeling you get when you first find out you're gay/bi.

_**Monika's POV** _

When Friday rolls around, I'm anxiously watching my phone and the clock. Why am I so anxious about this? It's not like Sayori-

"M-Monika?" A timid voice interrupts my thoughts.

I look up and see Yuri standing before me with a tray of food. A big portion of lunch time passed while I was spacing out.

"Oh. Hi, Yuri. Everything alright?" I ask her.

"U-Um, I was wondering, um... if I could sit with you? I... need some advice..."

"Oh, sure!" I smile warmly at her.

Yuri sets her tray of food down on the table, then sits down across from me.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Well... I-I, um... need dating advice..."

I blink a few times at her in surprise. "Dating advice?"

"Yeah... um... there's this guy..." Yuri's voice trails off.

I smile playfully. "Is it Michael?"

Yuri's face turns to one of alarm. "H-Huh?! How did you-?!"

"Yuri, I don't mean to be rude, but... it's rather obvious."

"I-It is...?"

"Yes."

She sighs, a blush quickly forming across her face. "I-I didn't realize-"

"Relax," I tell her. "Lucky for you, I think the feeling is reciprocated."

Yuri raises her eyebrows. "You th-think so...?"

"Pretty confident." I think back to my conversation with Sayori - about her confession, and Michael's quickly developing feelings for Yuri.

"Well... what should I do...?" Yuri looks at me.

"Hm..." I ponder for a moment. "I think you should tell him."

"R-Really...?" She raises her eyebrows.

"Yes. Even if I'm wrong - which I don't think I am - the absolute worst thing he could say is 'no'. Rejection does hurt, but..." I trail off, my conversation with Sayori returning to my memory in waves. "I doubt it'll happen. And if it does, it won't be the end of the world. You'll move on, and find someone else. You get what I'm saying?"

"I-I think so..." Yuri smiles to herself.

"Maybe tell him after the club meeting on Monday. I'll stay behind for a little bit to make sure it goes okay. But I won't make it obvious that I'm there."

"O-Okay!" Yuri is seemingly filled with newfound determination. "Thank you, Monika."

"Any time." I smile.

It's silent for a moment. Then, Yuri tries to strike up a conversation. "D-Do you like anyone, Monika?"

I pause for a second. I'm slightly alarmed when the first person to pop into my mind in response to that question is _Sayori_ , but I try not to make it obvious. "I... don't think I do, at the moment."

"I see." Yuri smiles softly.

I look down at my food, trying to decipher what just happened.

_Why did I think of Sayori just now...?_

The end of lunch bell rings.

"Well, I'll see you later, Monika," Yuri says.

"Y-You too." I smile.

As she walks away, fears start plaguing my mind.

...

I gotta figure this out.

~

When I get home that day, I set my bag aside in my room and open up my laptop.

...How exactly do I Google something like this?

I start with typing the words "am I"... and one of the first results it pulls up is "Am I gay?"

I sigh deeply. _Didn't expect we'd be going into that so suddenly, but okay._

I press the enter key on that option.

One of the first results that search returns is a quiz.

"...Okay." I say to myself as I open the page.

The first question is rather straightforward: _Are you male or female?_

I click the obvious option, and it pulls up a series of questions... all relating to what I desire sexually or romantically.

 _Sexually?_ Um... I've never particularly enjoyed sex with guys, and I have nothing else to compare it to, so...

 _Romantically?_ It asks questions that bring up all of the concerning red flags in my head. One of which being: _"Do you see yourself being in a long-term relationship with someone of the opposite sex?"_

If someone had asked me this question in real life, I'd say, _"Of course I do! There's no one I like at the moment, sure, but that can change!"_

But right now, it's just me and this quiz. And I need to be completely honest if I want an accurate result.

My mouse hovers over the "no" option.

"Monika?" My mom calls from the other side of my door.

I quickly minimize the page and turn around. "Yeah?"

My mother opens the door. "Can you make sure to do the dishes once you're finished with your homework?"

"Oh, uh. Yeah, of course," I respond with a smile.

"Thank you." She pauses. "So, your club meetings are resuming...?"

"Monday," I fill in the blank for her.

"Right, right." She sighs. "Don't know why you couldn't have stuck with the debate team..."

"I told you, Mom. I can't stand all the politics around the major clubs."

She simply nods. "Okay. Well, just make sure you do the dishes tonight, okay?"

"O-Okay."

She leaves my room, shutting the door behind her.

When I know I'm in the clear, I open the quiz back up. Where was I...?

I hit the "no" option on the current question before it finally pulls up a result.

"...What?" I whisper to myself. "There's no way..."

_98% chance that I'm gay?!_

I actually stand up and take a few steps back. "Oh my God..."

Suddenly, my phone starts ringing. It's Sayori.

"Oh, God..." How do I face her after this?!


	5. The Day of the Festival - Sayori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had all these chapters pre-written prior to joining AO3, so I'm posting them before I forget. This is the last one I got today.

_**Sayori's POV** _

"Sayori... you'll always be my dearest friend."

  
My stomach drops. Michael's words hit me like a ton of bricks... or maybe a train. Either way, his words sting badly, no matter what the intention is.

  
The rest of that conversation passes by in a blur, and soon I find myself lying in my bed. My pillow is soaked with tears.

  
Why did I do that?! I feel the tears form in my eyes at a more rapid rate. How could I have been so selfish?! The way he looked at Yuri...

  
I want to scream at myself. Tear my hair out. Punch myself. I don't know. I don't know how I could've been so selfish!

  
~

  
The next morning comes. The day of the festival. I don't plan on going.

  
In fact... I don't plan on going to school again.

  
Or the Literature Club.

  
Or... anywhere, for that matter.

  
I go over to my wardrobe and find the piece of rope I've been holding onto. It hangs off of one of my clothes hangers, beckoning me...

  
...

  
I check the time. 6:30 am.

  
No one's even going to notice that I'm gone. The only person I can think of that might be slightly inconvenienced by my permanent absence is Monika. I am - was - the vice president of her club, after all...

  
...She'll find someone else to fill the role.

  
My phone dings. Shocking, considering the early hour. I check the incoming text on my phone.

  
Monika: _"Hey! You ready for today?"_

...

  
I don't think that warrants a response, considering what I'm about to do.

  
I only have a slight pause when the thought comes to my head that _Monika was thinking about me this early in the morning_.

  
I begin working on the noose. I learned how to tie one of these last time I thought about doing this - but I chickened out of that attempt.

  
Not this time.

  
"There we go," I say to myself, looking at my work.

  
I pull up a chair beneath my ceiling, and I get up to tie the rope to the ceiling fan. 

  
My stomach is churning. It's about to be over.

  
The thought of the permanence of what I'm about to do is a bit scary, but I can't stop now. Not when I've let so many people down.

  
I think about all the apologies I have left to give. 

  
I decide that my death will be apology enough.

  
The rope is tied to the fan, and the noose is around my neck. All that's left for me to do is kick down this chair, and it'll all be over...

  
My phone starts ringing. Monika's name lights up the screen.

  
I let it go to voicemail.

  
When I look at the clock now, it's 7:00 am.

  
I take one big, final breath, and kick down the chair.

  
...

  
...

  
...

  
...

  
...

  
_OH GOD, NO!_

  
My hands go towards the noose around my neck. I try to fit my fingers between my neck and the rope to make room for myself to breathe, but my efforts seem fruitless.

  
_I don't wanna die..._

  
I want the pain to end, but not like this.

  
_I don't wanna die..._

  
I feel myself start to lose consciousness, although I try to fight it.

  
_Please no... I don't wanna die..._

  
_I don't wanna die..._

  
_I don't wanna-_

  
I hear a faint voice coming from downstairs. My brain is foggy, so I can't distinguish the voice as anyone I know. I can't make out their words.

  
Maybe if I scream...

  
I try to push out a scream, but all that comes out is small squeaks.

  
"Sayori?!" The voice had come closer. The voice is familiar, but I still can't make out who it is.

  
My body is finally starting to go limp, as I'm able to struggle less and less.

  
Suddenly, I feel an arm around my waist, lifting me up slightly. My consciousness slowly starts coming back.

  
Then, I fall to the floor, the pressure around my neck finally relieving itself. I cough as I struggle to breathe.

  
"Sayori?! Are you okay?!"

  
My eyes open, and I finally recognize the voice and the person who came to my rescue.

  
Weakly, I say her name. "Monika..."


	6. The Aftermath - Sayori

**_Sayori's POV_ **

As soon as I've fully regained my consciousness and ability to breathe, I slowly sit up. Monika is still sitting there beside me, her eyes bloodshot. Was she... crying?

"I-I'm sorry!" I hug her as the tears start freely flowing down my face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...!"

Monika hugs me back tightly, trying to shush me. She keeps saying, "It's okay, it's okay..." but I know it's not.

What if she had arrived just a few minutes later? She would've found me like that...

A few minutes pass, and I'm sitting there in Monika's arms, crying into her shoulder. I feel so childish like this, but I can't stop crying.

"Sayori?" I hear Michael's voice down the hall. I poke my head up. "Sayori, are you awake? Natsuki and Yuri told me you and Monika weren't-" He stops in my doorway.

It takes him a minute to process what he's seeing. The look on his face... isn't one I ever want to see again.

"Oh... oh my God..." Michael approaches us and kneels down. "W-What happened?!" He looks at me first. "Did you...?" Then at Monika. "Did she...?"

I look at Monika, who nods.

"Holy shit, I..." I can't decipher his expression. "I didn't realize it was this bad."

The silence is deafening for a moment. Then Michael turns to me. "We can't just pretend this didn't happen. You need to speak to a professional about this."

"Y-Yeah." Monika's voice is faltering - a stark contrast to her usual confident demeanor.

I start to protest - _help is for people who deserve it, and I don't._ "But-"

"No," Michael says. "You need to."

He turns to Monika, who starts speaking. "Y-Yeah. He's right. We'll get you to the hospital, okay?"

I want to protest... but I know it'll be useless. The experience was so terrifying that I don't ever plan on doing it again... but how do I convince them of that?

"I..." I pause. "...need to get dressed."

~

The hospital room is cold and the blankets aren't helping.

A doctor walks in. "Sayori?"

"Y-Yes?" I say.

"Good news is, you should make a full recovery physically." He then pauses. "However... I think we need to keep you here for a few days, considering the... circumstances."

I nod. I didn't expect anything less than that.

"C-Can I go say goodbye to my friends?" I ask.

"Of course," he says with a smile.

The doctor escorts me out into the waiting room, where Monika and Michael are waiting.

Monika looks up. "Oh my God..." She quickly stands up and hugs me tightly.

"I'm... gonna have to stay here for a few days," I tell them.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised..." Monika says with a sigh.

She slowly releases me. Michael and I lock eyes for a moment, before I go over to him and hug him as well.

"I'll call you guys before I get out," I say.

~

While my room in the emergency department was cold and uncomfortable, my room in the psych unit is... actually pretty cozy looking.

The nurse who escorted me says, "Dinner is soon. I'll call you out when it's time."

"O-Okay," I respond.

The nurse leaves, and my hand goes to my neck. It hurts under the bandages.

I collapse onto my bed.

_I can't believe I..._

I sigh deeply.

_I can't believe I did that._


	7. Questions - Sayori

_**Sayori's POV** _

I don't know what I was expecting from a stay in the psych ward, but it definitely... wasn't this.

Everyone seems to have made friends with each other here. And I had been told that the typical stay here was between three to seven days.

I poke at my dinner. For once, I'm not hungry.

"Hey," some guy says, looking at me. "Hey, you with the pinkish hair. What's your name?"

"Um... S-Sayori..." I say quietly.

"Cool! I'm Rian," he says.

I give him a small smile in response.

"I guess this is your first time?" Rian asks me.

"My... what?"

"Your first time in psych."

"Um... yeah...?"

One of the other female patients chimes in, looking at me. "Don't worry about him. He's just a big goofball."

Rian rolls his eyes. "Anyway, Sayori... what are you here for?"

The girl butts in again. "Rian! You can't just ask every single new person why they're here!"

"No, it's okay." I decide to tell him. "I, uh... tried to kill myself."

"Figured that much." He motions to my neck. "I meant why."

"Why did I try to kill myself...?" I raise an eyebrow.

The girl butts in one more time. "You don't need to tell him-"

But before she finishes her sentence, I blurt out, "I confessed to my friend who has a crush on my other friend."

There's a pause.

"...Ah..." The girl nods. "You're here because of a guy."

"Or a girl," Rian chimes in. "She gives off major bisexual vibes."

"...I'm sorry?" I raise my eyebrows.

The girl gives an exasperated sigh. "He thinks because he's gay, he has the power to figure out if anyone else is."

"And it's typically really accurate, Kai!" Rian says playfully.

The girl, who now has a name, waves her hand at him. "Yeah, yeah. Don't need to remind me about Haruto."

I look at Kai quizzically.

"Haruto is Rian's... um... mental hospital boyfriend. He was discharged yesterday." Kai sighs. "Just because you guessed his sexuality right, doesn't mean you're going to guess everyone's."

Rian shrugs. "I'm just saying, I wouldn't be surprised if this one has a gay awakening within the next few months or so." He nods in my direction.

I immediately get defensive. "I-I'm not-"

"Rian, stop." Kai playfully hisses at him.

Rian raises his hands in defense. "Fine, fine."

I go back to poking at my dinner. After a minute or so, I notice that Rian has a couple cookies on his tray. I can't help but stare at them.

Rian looks up and sees me staring. He looks around before grabbing one of the cookies - the chocolate brownie one - and sliding it across the table to me. I catch it before it slides off. _Was that against the rules?_

"Thanks," I whisper. I quickly tear off the wrapping and stuff the cookie into my mouth.

I'm suddenly reminded of the incident with Natsuki's cookie. I smile a little to myself, remembering that fun day.

Then, a wave of sadness comes over me. _I... wouldn't have been able to think about that if I..._

...

I finish off the cookie before standing up and putting my tray away and retreating to my room.

~

"For the last time, Rian: I'm NOT bi!" I shout while stifling a laugh.

Just over the past 48 hours, I've grown more comfortable with the people here. Rian and I sometimes playfully banter, like I would with Michael.

"I dunno..." Kai blurts out while she finishes a crossword puzzle. "He's not usually this insistent about it."

"Kai, you're siding with him?!" I whine. "What happened?!"

She shrugs. "He probably would've let it go by now if you weren't."

I pout a little. That's when I see the time and sigh. "I gotta go make a phone call. I'll be right back."

I go over to the phone at the nurses' desk and dial in Monika's number. It rings a couple times before I hear her voice: "Hello?"

"Monika?" I say.

"Sayori!" she exclaims. "Oh my gosh, how are you doing?"

"I'm... a bit better," I say. "My doctor says I can probably be discharged on Friday."

"That's great news!" Monika says.

"Yeah!" I smile. "They also gave me some antidepressants, which... should kick in within the week... I think?" I don't exactly remember what the doctor said.

"That's good."

"Yeah." I take a breath as my heart drops. "I'm... really sorry about the festival-"

"No. Sayori, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for," Monika says. "If anything, I should be apologizing to you. I have no idea how I didn't pick up on this sooner..."

Is Monika blaming herself...?

"Monika, it's not your fault." I sniffle, and realize I'm on the brink of tears. "Do you... do you want to know why?"

"Yes. Tell me."

So I tell Monika everything. My confession to Michael, being friendzoned... and how I noticed his thing for Yuri.

"This isn't the end of the world. I promise you, it's not." Monika sounds confident. "You'll move on. It's not like Michael would stop being your friend because of this. He still really cares about you, you know..."

"I... yeah, I guess. Speaking of which..." I huff a little. "I haven't called him yet. I should probably do that."

"Yeah..." Monika agrees.

"Alright. I'll see you next week."

"You too."

I hang up. I notice Rian and Kai are staring at me.

"Why... why are you guys staring at me?" I ask them.

Rian smiles. "You like that Monika chick, don't you?"

"W-What?!" My face heats up. "N-No! She's just a friend..."

"That's what they all say~" Rian teases.

Kai smirks. "Sayori, your blush says otherwise."

"I'm not blushing!" I say as my face heats up even more.

We all start laughing. I'll probably miss this when I leave, but not as much as I already miss the club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rian and Kai are both going to be recurring in this story, so if you like them, don't fret. Lol.


	8. A Dream is a Wish - Sayori

_**Sayori's POV** _

"You have my number in your journal, right?" Kai asks me as I'm on my way out of the psychiatric unit.

"Yeah." I smile. "Text me back once you're out, okay?"

"Of course!" She smiles back. "Good luck out there!"

I wave goodbye to everyone before being escorted outside.

...

Now what?

I sigh deeply, staring up at the clouds.

I start walking toward the city bus stop.

~

When I get home, the inside is actually... clean.

_Michael must've cleaned up for me while I was away_ , I think to myself. _That's... nice of him._

I go upstairs and investigate my bedroom. It also looks pretty clean.

_I should thank him later._

I see my phone still on my desk charging. I unplug it and go through my notifications. I still have the missed calls and texts from Monday...

I shiver. _I still can't believe I did that..._

On one of Monika's twelve missed calls, I press down on the "call back" button.

...

The phone rings a couple times before Monika's voice comes through. "H-Hey!" she says. "Did you make it home okay?"

"Yep! I took the bus," I say.

"How are you feeling...?" Monika asks me.

"Pretty good, actually!" I respond. "I think these meds are kicking in."

"That's good!"

There's a moment of silence.

"I..." Monika sighs. "I'm so glad you're okay..."

I chuckle a little. "Me too..."

More silence. 

Monika is quieter than usual...

"Monika? Are you okay?" I ask her.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. Just, um... I have a lot on my mind." Monika doesn't sound like her usual confident self. 

Something is definitely wrong, but I don't know if I should push it.

"...Like what?" I say. 

_So much for not pushing it._

"It's just this..." Monika laughs a little. "It's so silly. It's just this online quiz thing."

"Oh." I'm almost relieved. "What kind of quiz?"

"One of those... personality quizzes. I wasn't expecting the result I got."

"Send me a link!" I say excitedly. "I wanna take it!"

"Um..." Monika starts sounding nervous again. "No, I... I don't think I should..."

I raise an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"I told you. It's silly. I don't even know what I'm so worked up about..." Monika quickly changes the subject. "So, you coming back to school on Monday?"

"Yeah!" I say. "Though, I'm kind of nervous to see everyone again..."

"It'll be okay. No one's upset at you or anything."

"Are you sure...?"

"Positive."

"Okay." I smile to myself. 

Monika sighs. "I gotta go. Homework. I'll see you on Monday though."

"Alright! Have a good night, Monika~!"

Monika chuckles lightly. "You too, Sayori. I'm glad you're feeling better."

I hang up, and I can't help but feel... butterflies in my stomach?

I remember Rian trying to get me to admit to being bisexual...

"Too much thinking..." I say to myself as I collapse on my bed. "Need to sleep..."

~

_"Sayori?" I hear Monika's voice. "How are you doing?"_

_"I-I'm doing great!" I say. "I just wanted to say... thank you for, um... saving me..."_

_She smiles warmly at me. "I'd do it again if I had to."_

_Suddenly, she leans in and gives me a kiss on the cheek._

That's when I wake up. 

"What was that?" I ask myself. I sit up and look outside. The sun is just starting to rise.

That's the first time I start considering that Rian may have been right...


	9. Alone in My Mind - Monika

**_Monika's POV_ **

I wake up on Monday morning with a knot in my stomach.

Over the weekend, I did more research on my "realization" from Friday afternoon. I came across several articles, and it felt more and more like I really _was_ gay.

I check my phone and see my notifications. Yuri had texted while I was asleep.

_"I'm so nervous..."_

Oh... that's right. She's telling Michael how she feels today.

I sigh and sit up before formulating my reply. _"You're gonna do great. Don't think too much about it."_

I set my phone down before grabbing my uniform and heading for the shower.

~

This is going to drive me up a wall.

This is making me feel physically ill. I sit at my desk, with my pen pressed down into my notebook.

The bell finally rings for lunch, and I sprint towards the cafeteria.

When I get there, I spot Michael and Sayori at a table together. They seem to be playfully bantering about something...

I'm glad that's normal, at least.

I grab my lunch and make my way over to their table.

Sayori spots me in the crowd. "Monika!" She waves me over.

I sit down across from Sayori. "Hey guys."

Sayori seems to be back to her normal self, which eases my nervousness a little bit. The only difference about her is the scarf she's wearing, probably for obvious reasons...

"How's it going?" I try to make conversation.

"Pretty good!" Sayori says with a smile. She looks over at Michael, who looks... confused?

"Uh... yeah. It's good," he says.

I briefly raise an eyebrow at Michael before Sayori starts talking again.

"Michael was just telling me about his crush on-"

"Sayori!" Michael says, blushing immensely.

"Oh, right, right~" Sayori giggles a little.

"Let me guess," I rest my head on my hand. "Yuri?"

He blushes even more, confirming my suspicion.

"I knew it!" I say.

I briefly look over at Sayori, who seems totally unaffected by the confirmation of Michael's crush.

_Did she get over him that quickly...?_

"Anyway! I gotta go use the bathroom." Sayori stands up and looks at Michael. "Don't touch my food."

"I wasn't planning on it," Michael says, still blushing.

Sayori walks away with a pep in her step, and I smile. _It's so good to see her doing better..._

"Monika?" Michael says. "A-Are you okay?"

"Hm? Oh! Yeah." I turn to face my lunch. I suddenly realize I'm very aggressively unhungry.

My realization from over the weekend is starting to affect my appetite.

"Are you sure...?" Michael looks concerned.

"I think I'm gay," I blurt out.

Michael blinks at me a couple times. "That's... a joke, right?"

I shake my head. "I wish it was..."

Michael looks shocked. He looks around to make sure Sayori isn't on her way back yet, then leans in to whisper to me. "Where is this coming from...?"

"I, uh... took a little quiz online over the weekend. And after getting a pretty bleak result on that, I did more research."

"I... see..." Michael looks down at his food.

Sayori sits back down without either one of us expecting. "I'm back!" She smiles a little, then looks at Michael. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Michael says a bit too defensively.

Sayori raises her eyebrows. "Uh..."

_Damn, she's beautiful._

Suddenly, my stomach starts screaming at me. "...I'll be right back."

~

I run to the bathroom and, right on time, I make it to the toilet and start vomiting.

_What is going on with me?!_

Out of nowhere, I start sobbing. _Why?! Why is this happening to me?!_

The bell signaling the end of lunch time rings. I start hurling into the toilet again.

"Who's in here?" A familiar voice calls out.

"Hold on-" I say before I start vomiting again.

"Monika?" The girl says again. "It's Natsuki. Are you okay?"

I stand up weakly and flush the toilet before facing the pink-haired girl.

"Were you just throwing up?" she asks me.

"I... yeah," I say dejectedly.

Natsuki sighs in annoyance. "So the club is canceled again today because you're sick?"

"What? No, I didn't say that..."

"You're also crying."

"I-I am?"

She raises her eyebrows. "Monika, what's going on?"

"Nothing, I'm fine!" I say.

She groans. "Fine. I don't care anyway."

I frown as she walks into one of the stalls. I clean up my face before exiting the bathroom with a sigh.

~

I sprint down the hallway on my way to the clubroom. Somehow, I missed the bell while practicing piano, and now I'm late again.

I swing open the clubroom door. "Sorry! I'm sorry I'm late! I was practicing piano again!"

"It's okay," Michael says.

"Yeah!" Sayori adds on with a smile.

I head to the teacher's desk. Michael gives me a look, then gives that same look to Sayori.

_Oh God. He figured it out. He knows. I'm dead. My life is over._

Michael wears an odd look on his face as he turns to the book Yuri gave him. Sayori is writing something in a notebook, while Yuri and Natsuki are arguing about something in the corner - probably something related to writing. Meanwhile, I can't focus on much of anything... except the song I had been working on during study hall.

I go into my bag and take a peek at the sheet music and lyrics I'd been working on. Well... by "lyrics", I mean the one line I wrote: _"The world wouldn't spin without you."_

I can't help but think about my realization, and what this means.

~

I never saw myself as a hopeless romantic. In fact, I never really understood girls my age who were obsessed with boys and relationships. I thought they were weird.

Now, I realize that it wasn't _them_ who were weird - it was _me_.

I had slept with a couple guys before, and the warnings I always got beforehand were always along the lines of "you'll get attached, so be careful".

But I never got attached. In fact, I found myself feeling gross afterwards.

The only thing I found weird about myself was the fact that I never found guys interesting or worth my time. However, I forced myself into relationships with them all the time. My "crushes" were boys that all the other girls liked.

I didn't think at any point in time that I was a lesbian until I took that quiz.

Now, I feel like I'm keeping a secret from everyone - that there's this whole other side of me no one knows exists.

And I'm alone.

~

"Hey, Monika?"

I snap out of my trance and look up. Michael is standing before me.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Um... would you mind walking Sayori home today? Yuri asked if we could walk home together and I... well..."

"Oh! Yeah, no problem." I stand up and give him a wink. "Good luck."

He opens his mouth to protest, but shuts it a second later.

Sayori is munching on a cookie when I approach her.

"Looks like I'm filling in for Michael today," I say to her, probably smiling a bit too much.


	10. A Walk to Remember - Monika

_**Monika's POV** _

The walk home is quiet - too quiet. Since the event with Sayori, I've been more inclined to try to read her emotions.

She seems... like she's deep in thought.

"What are you thinking?" I ask her.

"Hm?" Sayori looks up at me. The way the breeze gently blows through her hair... oh God, this is not the time to admire-

"Well," Sayori interrupts my thoughts. "I'm kind of just... thinking about something that happened while I was in the hospital..." I raise an eyebrow, almost concerned. "It's not anything bad, it's just... something that's been weighing heavily on my mind and... I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about it."

"Did someone hurt you?" I ask.

"No, no! It's nothing like that! It's just-"

"It's okay," I say gently, "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to. I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt is all." Another thing comes to mind. "Also, I... wanted to let you know that if you ever need someone to talk to... I'm here for you. Okay? I don't care if it's two in the morning or-"

Sayori interrupts me by stopping me and hugging me tightly. "Thank you..." she says, "For... always being there for me. I... don't know what would've happened if... if you didn't..." She sighs. "Anyway. Thank you."

I smile and hug her back. "Of course..." I resist the urge to say _"anything for you"_.

I just found out I'm gay not three days ago, and suddenly this all makes sense.

_I... really like Sayori._

_Like... a lot._

I blink rapidly to prevent the tears from spilling out of my eyes.

Sayori pulls away and looks at me. "Monika? What's wrong?"

At the sound of her voice, I let out a chuckle along with a couple tears. "I-It's nothing... don't worry about it..."

Sayori huffs. "Well now I _have_ to worry about it."

"Who are you, Natsuki?" I ask her jokingly.

We share a laugh.

"Seriously, though..." Sayori says. "If... you ever need to talk about anything, too... don't be afraid to call me."

I smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

Sayori looks around. "My house is right around the corner. Do you wanna come in for a bit?"

"Ah... my mom's expecting me home..." I check the time. "...Five minutes ago."

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" Sayori looks genuinely ashamed.

"No, no, it's fine. It's not like she's gonna beat me or anything." I chuckle.

She doesn't look totally convinced that everything is fine, though. "Look. I'm turning eighteen in two months. It's not like it'll matter in the long run."

"O-Okay..." Sayori flashes me a sad smile. "Th-This is my house..."

"Oh... okay." I'm honestly disappointed I didn't get to spend more time with her.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She seems to regain some of her cheerfulness.

"You too." I smile.

~

_I dream about different ways that scenario could have played out._

_I dream that I had worked up the courage to kiss her._

~

I wake up the next morning to my alarm. I turn it off and check my phone. A text from Yuri:

_"We're dating now."_

I smile to myself. I knew she and Michael liked each other...

Me: _"Yay! I'm happy for you two! Just don't let it interfere with club stuff, lol."_

I set my phone on my nightstand and sit up to rub the tired from my eyes.

~

_Ugh, seriously?! I'm late AGAIN?!_

I got two more lines of my song in - only two - when I had realized that it was past time for the club meeting to start.

As I approach the clubroom, I hear talking coming from inside.

"Wait, you two are dating now?" Sayori asks Michael and Yuri a bit too loudly.

"Y-Yeah..." Yuri says timidly.

I'm standing in the doorway, listening in.

"That's awesome!" Sayori exclaims.

 _I'm glad she's taking it well,_ I think to myself with a smile.

Meanwhile, I hear Natsuki grumble. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. Michael and Yuri sitting in a tree. Didn't Monika say not to let it interfere with club stuff?"

"They were just telling me!" Sayori says. "It's not like they-"

That's when I decide to step in. "Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late again..."

Natsuki rolls her eyes. "We're about to make Sayori president, if you keep being late to your own club."

"I said I'm sorry!" I snap.

Everyone looks at me, shocked.

Natsuki stands up. "I'm just gonna go."

"W-Wait, Natsuki!" I start heading over to her. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you-"

"First the bathroom incident yesterday, and now this. Whatever. Just call me when you get your head out of your ass."

Everyone, including me, watches as Natsuki packs up her stuff and leaves the clubroom, slamming the door shut behind her.

In the midst of the silence, Michael speaks. "...Bathroom incident...?"

"Ah..." I say with a chuckle. "It's... not important." I flash Michael a quick look, then walk over to the teacher's desk.

I'm really letting this affect me so badly, huh?

I can hear Michael and Sayori quietly chatting in the background of my thoughts.

Maybe I should just-

"Monika...?" Sayori approaches the desk.

I look up at her. "Hi..."

"A-Are you okay? Michael told me there was something you probably needed to get off your chest..."

I sneak a quick glare at Michael, as if to say "what the hell?"

I sigh. "Yeah, but... not here. Can we... talk in the hallway?"

"Yeah, of course!" Sayori flashes her trademark smile, making my heart flutter.

Alright. Here goes nothing, I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Monika's gonna come out to Sayori! Wish her luck; she's very nervous about this.


	11. My Confession - Monika

_**Monika's POV** _

Sayori and I step out into the hallway. My hands are visibly shaking as Sayori turns to face me.

"Monika...?" She says this with a worried look on her face. "What's going on? You've been acting weird since I got out of the hospital..." She pauses. "...Are you still upset about that...?" She fiddles with her scarf.

"What? No, Sayori, I was never upset at you for that," I say. "This... has a lot more to do with me than it does with you..."

Sayori looks at me quizzically.

I sigh. "This is harder than I thought..."

"Take your time," she assures me, "I'll be patient."

I glance out the window. It looks... like it's getting chilly...

I resist the urge to start sobbing right there in the hallway. Meanwhile, Sayori is looking at me, giving me time to work through this.

"Okay... there's... really no other way to do this than to just say it, so..." I turn to face Sayori. "I... I'm... gay..." I almost whisper the last word.

Sayori blinks at me, with the same look of surprise Michael had when I told him. However, she looks over to the side, seemingly taking more time to process this than Michael did.

Finally, Sayori speaks. "I'm gonna be honest, I... wasn't expecting that," she says softly.

"I'm still trying to... be okay with it... so... a lot of my odd behavior has to do with me... working through this." I sigh. "So just... be patient with me, please."

She sighs, as if she's nervous now, too. All the worst case scenarios are playing through my head. 

_Maybe she's upset about this, or she's worried that I'm hitting on her... she's straight, right? I wouldn't be surprised if-_

Suddenly, Sayori quickly approaches me. She puts her hands on the back of my neck and gets on her tip-toes before kissing me.

I'm taken aback by this. My heart is racing, and my legs feel as if they're going to buckle from under me.

After about ten seconds, she pulls away.

 _"No, I wasn't done,"_ I want to say.

Instead, I probably look like I just saw a ghost.

Sayori is expressionless for a moment, then turns beet red. "I-I'm sorry! I-I just made this weird, didn't I...?" She turns away. "God, I'm so stupid!"

"N-No!" I say. "I-I definitely wasn't expecting that, but..."

She stops me mid-sentence. "Can we just... pretend that didn't happen? Please? I have no idea why I thought-"

"Sayori, listen." I grab her hands. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Sayori takes a moment to digest my words. "Y-You mean...?"

"Look, I didn't think I'd tell you this at all, but... I like you, Sayori. That wasn't originally where this conversation was going, but-"

"I like you too," she blurts out.

I blink at her. "You... do...?"

She chuckles a little. "Did I not make it obvious enough?"

I chuckle a little as well. "Fair enough, I guess." I pause. "So... you're..."

"Bisexual," Sayori says.

I smile a little, then laugh at myself. "I was seriously making myself sick over this..."

"Well, that explains a lot!"

We both jump, startled by the sudden third person entering our conversation.

"N-Natsuki!" Sayori exclaims. "H-How long have you been standing there...?"

"Long enough to finally have an answer to both of your dilemmas," she says with a smug grin.

Sayori's face is redder than a tomato. I'm sure I'm blushing pretty hard as well.

"I forgive you, by the way, Monika," Natsuki adds on. "But that better not happen again."

"I, uh, I don't think it will."

She chuckles. "Good. Now are we gonna go back in the clubroom, or...?"

"Y-Yeah!" I say, trying to quickly compose myself.

We turn toward the door to the clubroom, and immediately, I see Michael and Yuri watching us from behind the window.

"Oh, crap!" Michael nudges Yuri and motions for both of them to get away from the door.

I can't help but laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They did it, bois :)
> 
> This one was pretty short and to the point. I'll work on making the chapters longer soon here.


	12. A Secret Under Sleeves - Monika

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know I've been whipping out chapters super quickly, but uh... this is just what happens when I believe in myself, I guess. I know I'm not the best quality writer, but if I have a story to tell, I find a way to tell it. Okay, that's all. Enjoy~

**_Monika's POV_ **

The events that occur immediately after my first kiss with Sayori are... weird, to say the least.

"You guys were watching us?!" Sayori asks them once we get back in the clubroom.

"Well, um..." Yuri shyly says, "We... have a group chat..."

"A group chat?" I ask. "What for?"

"Ask the man who made it." Natsuki points at Michael.

"Uh... I... um...!" Michael stammers.

Natsuki sighs. "Basically, Michael caught onto what was going on here, and decided we were gonna play matchmaker."

Sayori is blushing so hard, I worry she'll get a bloody nose. "You didn't need to do that..."

"I beg to differ," Yuri says, in a surprising moment of bluntness. When she notices we're all looking at her with shocked expressions, she immediately defends herself. "I-I didn't mean it like that! I just meant that - well - it might not have happened without our intervention..."

Sayori stammers. "I-I mean..."

"Wait, did they actually become official, or...?" Natsuki asks. "Because I don't remember either of them asking the other - I mean, I saw the kiss, but no one said..."

I laugh nervously. I like Sayori; Sayori likes me. So if the rest of them are gonna make a big deal out of making it "official", then...

"Sayori," I say, my face heating up immensely. "Will you-"

"Yes," Sayori says, with a huge smile on her face.

~

Well... that just happened.

I'm at home now, trying to focus on my homework. But the ordeal from earlier is occupying every crevice of my mind.

_I have a girlfriend._

It might take time to adjust, but I have a really good feeling about this.

My mom knocks on my bedroom door. "Monika?"

I snap out of it and try to act normal. "Yeah?"

She opens the door. "Dinner's ready."

"Okay." I set my pen down and go downstairs.

As I'm on my way down, the thought sinks in.

_What will my mom think of this?_

_I remember times when my mom would see a gay couple on TV and audibly gag before changing the channel._

_"They're really showing this to kids?" She'd ask no one in particular._

Well... looks like my mom can't know. Ever.

~

My phone buzzes as I'm getting ready for bed.

_I was added to a group chat?_

I unlock my phone and look at the group chat I was added to. It appears that Sayori was just added too. 

Michael is the first one to send a message: "Okay so here's the group chat we were talking about."

I chuckle quietly.

Sayori: _"*reads conversation*"_

A few minutes later, Sayori: _"You planned this whole thing out??"_

Me: _"Looks like they did."_

I probably have the biggest smile on my face. My phone buzzes, and it looks like Sayori messaged me privately on the side.

Sayori: _"Hey!"_

The bubbles pop up on screen to indicate that she's typing. Then they go away. Then they pop up again. Finally, she has something.

Sayori: _"So, something I never told you about my depression is that it... kinda hurts for people to care about me. That's been getting better with treatment, but it still... makes me feel bad? Kinda? I know that probably makes no sense at all but my mind is still mean to me sometimes."_

My heart aches for her. At first, I'm not sure how to respond.

Me: _"We can take this slow, if you think that will ease that feeling a bit. Have you spoken to a therapist...?"_

Sayori: _"I have an appointment with one in a couple days, actually. Hospital referred me to one."_

Me: _"Good. My offer from yesterday still stands: if you ever need to talk, I'm here."_

Sayori: _"Okay :3 "_

I giggle a little at the emoji she sends. She sends me another text.

Sayori: _"I'm pretty sleepy so I'm gonna go to bed. Good night <3 "_

Me: _"You too. Sweet dreams."_

I proceed to stuff my face into my pillow and squeal.

~

I actually arrive at the club on time today.

 _Looks like Natsuki won't get on my case today..._ I think to myself with a sigh of relief.

Michael and Yuri have been together for about three days at this point; Sayori and I for two.

I'm just sitting down at the teacher's desk when Michael suddenly sprints into the room, panting. It seems like he was chasing something.

"Ha... have you see..." He takes several breaths.

"Michael, breathe. What's going on?" I ask.

"Yu... Yuri... where... where'd she go...?"

"I-I haven't seen her." I raise my eyebrows in alarm. "Is she okay?"

"I-I... I dunno..." He's still trying to catch his breath. "I... I saw her..." He holds up his arm and runs his finger horizontally across his wrist.

"Huh?"

Michael seems to have regained enough breath to tell me what he means. "She was cutting herself... I saw her..."

"W-What?!" My eyes widen.

Sayori comes up to the door at that moment. "What's going on?"

"We gotta find Yuri," I say with urgency.

~

After searching around the school grounds for about ten minutes, my phone starts ringing. I answer. "Hello?"

"Monika." It's Sayori. "I found her. Sh-She's not doing too good..."

"Where are you guys?" I ask.

"Cafeteria. By the vending machine."

"Okay. I'm heading over there." I hang up and sprint to that part of the school.

When I get to the mostly empty cafeteria, I spot the vending machine - and Sayori and Yuri at the table closest to it.

"Yuri!" I call out, darting over to them.

Yuri's face is stained with tears - and her face is also very pale.

"Michael and Natsuki are on their way here," Sayori confirms for me.

"Yuri, what's going on?" I say. "Talk to us."

Yuri seems too disoriented to respond.

I look down at her arm. Blood appears to be soaking through her sleeve.

"Shit," I mutter under my breath. "We should get her to the nurse."

"Yuri!" I hear Michael's voice across the cafeteria.

I look up and see him and Natsuki running over to us.

"Yuri," Natsuki says once the two make it over to us. "Yuri, are you okay?"

Yuri lets out a small groan.

"I-I'll go get the nurse!" Sayori exclaims, standing up.

"Okay." I nod. "Michael, grab something from the vending machine for her."

He nods at me and darts over to the vending machine.

~

After Yuri is further evaluated by the nurse, she's sent to the hospital to get stitches.

Sayori's eyes stay focused on the ground as we leave the nurse's office. Meanwhile, Michael is staring at nothing outside the window.

"Are you guys okay...?" I ask.

Neither one of them respond. I sigh.

I can understand why they're both struggling with this. Sayori tried to kill herself a little more than a week ago, and Michael is Yuri's boyfriend. They both feel personally affected by it.

"You'd think out of anyone, I'd know how to help her," Sayori says quietly. "Guess I'm still useless..."

"Sayori, don't say that," I say, wrapping my arms around her. "That's not true. None of us were expecting this."

"I'm going home," Michael announces. "I'll... see you guys tomorrow..."

"Michael, are you okay?" I ask.

"No," he responds rather bluntly. "But... I'll live, I guess."

As he walks away, Sayori sits down on the nearest bench. I sit down next to her.

"Sayori... listen to me. Please don't blame yourself for not knowing what to do. You made a good call by getting the nurse, though."

"I didn't know..." she says quietly. "She also feels this way..."

I take her hand in mine. "She's gonna be okay. And so are you."

Sayori rests her head on my shoulder.

"Hey," I say. "My mom is working late tonight. Do you wanna come over for a bit?"

Her face lights up a little. "Sure."


	13. Back to Reality - Sayori

_**Sayori's POV** _

"You actually got up on time this morning," Michael teases.

"Glad to know you're still a big meanie," I respond, lightly punching him in the arm.

This morning - Monday -, I had texted him around 6:30 asking if he wanted to walk to school together again. Of course, he agreed.

"Hey, who else gonna be a 'meanie' to you if I'm not?"

"What's that supposed to mean?!" I say with a pout.

He raises his hands in defense. "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's okay!" I pause. "I'm just glad nothing changed between us after... you know..."

"Y-Yeah." He scratches the back of his head nervously. "Nice scarf, by the way."

"Oh, thanks," I say with a nervous giggle. "So, did I miss anything important?"

"Ah... not really..." Michael responds. "Monika called off club meetings all last week." He quickly changes the subject. "What about you? Anything interesting happen while you were gone? Any words of wisdom to share?"

"Well... uh..." I think back to Rian and Kai - and the suspicion Rian had that I'm starting to think may have been accurate. "I... met some interesting people."

"Tell me about them."

"Well... first there's Kai. She's pretty, um... spunky, I think is the word. I didn't catch what she was there for." I pause. "Then there's Rian. He was kind of a meanie, but not in a really bad way, more like... like you."

"Wow, I feel loved," Michael says sarcastically. "Are you... into this guy, or...?"

"No, no! He's gay."

"Oh. Gotcha." He chuckles nervously.

"Yeah. He kept... uh..." I stop myself. "Hey, Michael... can I tell you something kinda... private?"

"Uh, sure, I guess."

"Well..." I sigh. "Rian was like... _super_ insistent that I was bisexual, and at first I just thought it was annoying, but... I... think he was... right...?" I groan. "How do I even figure this out?"

Michael pauses for a moment. "Well... have you ever thought about... another girl that way?"

"I mean... yeah..."

He raises his eyebrows, as if this wasn't the answer he was expecting. "Wait, who?!"

"N-Not important!" I stutter. "The point is... yes, I have..."

"...Recently?"

I pause. "Does... last night count as recent?"

He widens his eyes. "Okay, now you _have_ to tell me who."

We're almost to school, though. "I'll... tell you later, okay?"

Michael sighs. "Okay, okay."

I wave as I head to my first class. "I'll see you at lunch!"

~

Classes drag on for what feels like years, according to my stomach. _So hungry... gonna starve..._

I stare at the clock. It's almost lunch time, which makes this whole thing even more agonizing.

Come on come on why won't the bell ring come on-

The bell finally rings, and I hop out of my seat and dart to the lunch room.

Almost immediately, I see Michael at a table, his back facing me.

Maybe I can scare him...

I approach him slowly. When I make it directly behind him without him noticing me, I lean down and say "boo" into his ear.

"Oh God!" He jumps and starts coughing. Looks like he was mid-bite. He turns and sees me. "Sayori, what was that for?!"

"Payback for this morning, you meanie!" I tease.

"What did I even do?" he asks.

I sit down next to him. "You don't remember? 'Now you have to tell me who.' Ring any bells?"

"Okay, I'm sorry for being curious about my best friend's love life...?"

I pout. "Well, when you put it like that, _I_ sound like the meanie."

"Well, maybe you are." Michael takes another bite of his food.

"What are you..." I stop midsentence as I see Monika about to exit the lunch line.

_God, she's so pretty._

"Helloooo?" Michael waves his hand in front of my face. "Anyone home?"

I ignore him and call out Monika's name as I wave her over.

Michael's face slowly changes to one of... oh no. Did he figure it out?!

Monika sits across from me. "Hey guys. How's it going?"

"Pretty good!" I say, forcing my best smile. I look over at Michael. He's seemingly staring at... nothing, it looks like.

"Uh... yeah, it's good," Michael replies.

Monika raises an eyebrow.

I decide now is a good time to throw Michael under the bus. "Michael was just telling me about his crush on-"

"Sayori!" Michael says with a blush all over his face.

"Oh, right, right~" I giggle.

"Let me guess," Monika rests her head on her hand. "Yuri?"

Michael's face turns an even redder.

"I knew it!" Monika says with a chuckle.

"Anyway!" I say, "I gotta go use the bathroom." I stand up and look at Michael. "Don't touch my food."

"I wasn't planning on it..." Michael's face is still as red as a cherry.

I go to a corner where no one will see me and try to recompose myself.

 _How cute,_ the mean thoughts say, _you got a crush on a straight girl._

 _Not now, please..._ I try to counter them.

But my mind only retorts with, _You're so hopeless._

I let out a sigh.

"Sayori?" a familiar voice says. I think it's Natsuki. She just turned the corner, and is now looking at me.

"Nothing! I'm fine!" I start walking back to the table where I was sitting.

_Good job, idiot. She was probably just checking on you, since you've been gone for a week._

However, I silence my thoughts by announcing, "I'm back!" to Michael and Monika. What is that look they're wearing on their faces...? "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Michael blurts out.

I raise an eyebrow. "Uh..."

"I'll be right back," Monika stands up and darts over to the bathroom, with a look of... is that embarrassment?

"Oh... kay..." I say.

Michael still looks confused.

"What happened?" I ask him.

"Uh..." He blinks a couple times. "N-Nothing..."

I pout. "Fine, don't tell me."

~

After the club meeting, I hear Yuri quietly talking with Michael in the corner. I can't make out what Yuri is saying, but I hear Michael respond with, "Yeah, sure, just give me one minute."

I try to make it seem like I wasn't paying attention by grabbing a snack out of my bag and chowing down on it.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps approaching me. Monika is standing in front of me.

"Looks like I'm filling in for Michael today," she says with a cute grin.


	14. Interlude - Michael's Phone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the next chapter!!! Thought I'd just give y'all this to tide you over until it's done :)

**_In Michael's phone - after Sayori and Monika come out to him, but before their confession_ **

**Michael created the group chat with Yuri and Natsuki.**

Michael: "Guys!!!"

Natsuki: "What's this for??"

Natsuki: "Is this the group chat where you turn me into the third wheel?"

Michael: "No it's not like that"

Yuri: "I might have a vague idea what this is."

Michael: "Also, how did you find out we were dating, Natsuki?"

Natsuki: "I'd have to be literally blind to not see it dummy"

Michael: "...anyway"

Michael: "Neither of them are going to admit it, but Sayori and Monika like each other"

Yuri: "I remember you bringing this up earlier."

Michael: "So basically we're playing cupid"

Natsuki: "..."

Natsuki: "Is that why they've both been acting weird??"

Natsuki: "I mean I can understand why Sayori is acting weird considering the festival thing but Monika's been kind of a bitch"

Natsuki: "She was literally throwing up in the bathroom earlier today after lunch and she wouldn't talk about it"

Yuri: "That's concerning."

Michael: "She seemed like she was fine at the club today"

Yuri: "I mean, with these circumstances, her nerves are probably getting to her..."

Natsuki: "Also wait"

Natsuki: "Since when are either of them into girls??"

Michael: "Sayori told me this morning on our walk to school that she thinks she might be bi"

Michael: "Honestly it does kind of make sense cuz I've known her forever"

Michael: "But then Monika told me she thinks she's gay at lunch today"

Michael: "If she really was throwing up earlier that would basically confirm her feelings for Sayori"

Michael: "She seemingly got sick after staring at Sayori for a sec"

Natsuki: "Nothing says attraction like getting sick at the sight of someone"

Natsuki: "I'm kidding"

Natsuki: "But how are we gonna get them to confess to each other?"

Yuri: "I might have an idea."

Michael: "What is it hun"

Natsuki: "Hun??? Yuck"

Yuri: "Well, since Michael walks to school with Sayori, he can try to get confirmation on if she likes Monika or not."

Yuri: "If the answer is a genuine no, we abandon the plan."

Yuri: "But if the answer is yes, we can try to make one of them come out to the other."

Yuri: "I think it might work itself out from there."

Natsuki: "That's... actually not a bad idea"

Natsuki: "But how do we MAKE one of them come out to the other??"

Yuri: "We'll have to be vigilant; observe both of their actions. It has to be the perfect moment."

Natsuki: "If this goes badly, I'm blaming Michael"

Michael: "...I'll take those chances"

Michael: "I just want both of them to be happy"

Yuri: "You're so sweet."

Natsuki: "This is def turning into the 'Natsuki is a third-wheel' group"

Natsuki: "Just text with more updates when you have them k?"

Michael: "Will do"


End file.
